Sunday, August 22, 2010

A Very Classy Weekend



This weekend I was intent on having as much fun as possible to make up for last weekend's distinct lack of fun. So Friday night I went out with all my coworkers for a belated "Welcome Chris and Courtney Dinner" (Courtney is a new teacher at the branch who arrived maybe two weeks ago). I always feel privileged to raise a glass with my Korean branch manager. At the office the guy is friendly enough in an awkward, standoffish kind of way, but put some Soju in his hands and it's a whole different story! There are a few social rules here regarding drinking: A) It's impolite to fill your own glass. B) It's impolite NOT to fill the glass of somebody else if it's empty. And most Koreans are pretty vigilant about keeping the glasses full. There are also many drinking games that involve drinking your whole glass at once (they call this "one shottuh" because they can't quite say "one shot"), and then your glass gets immediately refilled. Basically, the only way to avoid getting hammered is to sip your drink slowly but keep your glass full.

Saturday morning I left on a sweet rafting trip that went until Sunday afternoon. The Korean rafting is more relaxing than exciting, but this is okay. I was actually on what they called a kayak, but is really more of a two-person raft. Kind of an inflatable kayak of sorts? Once again, I was impressed by the prodigious amount of drinking that accompanied this venture. I could relate the amount of alcohol my group of twenty twenty-something English teachers consumed over the course of the evening, but that would take too much space. We all slept on the hardwood floor with only a few blankets and pillows for comfort, so it's a good thing we prepared ourselves with a few nightcaps.

On the way back to Busan from the rafting trip, we made a stop at Jinju castle, an important historic site outside of Busan. They had a decent museum and the grounds were pretty enough, but overall I was underwhelmed. It didn't have the kind of impressive architecture I've come to expect from these Korean historical sites. In fact, there wasn't much of a "castle" there at all! Still, I felt culturally enriched.

Sunday, I went with my coworkers to see the Lotte Giants play a baseball game! (Remember how in an earlier post I talked about how Lotte is a huge conglomerate here? Well the Giants are one of the TWO baseball teams Lotte owns. To me, this would be kind of like imagining the "Coca-Cola Red Socks" or the "Philip Morris Mariners." Just doesn't feel right.) The game was entertaining enough--Koreans love to get really, really excited at these events. Give me a sunny day at the stadium with some beautiful mountains in the background, throw in some home runs, some dancing cheerleader girls, and strange orange trash bags that everyone wears on their heads, and I'll be happy. And all of these factors were present. Also, the stadium was naught but a short bike ride from my apartment, so that was also advantageous.

Another complaint I meant to mention in my last post: At night time, it's pretty common to see drivers riding around with no headlights on. The streets are so well lit in most parts of Busan, it's probably pretty easy to see where you're going even at midnight. But it does make it dangerous for everyone else! My guess is that most of those lightless-drivers are, themselves, lit. They say that the number one mistake intoxicated drivers make is failing to turn on their headlights! (Thanks, Chevrolet, for giving me running lights so I NEVER have to worry about this.)

Monday, August 16, 2010

Miscellaneous Praise, Criticism, and Judgement

In this post, I'm going to do a little bit of complaining. Maybe do a little bit of unfair generalizing about Korea and people who live there. Maybe even make some judgmental, biased comments. But that's not all I'm going to do. Oh no. I'm also going to make some very POSITIVE generalizations. I might dispense praise effusively. I might even dispense it RECKLESSLY.

Maybe it's because it's a crowded country. Maybe it's because, as a people, they've developed a passive-aggressive response to unfavorable situations (such as long lines). I'm willing to give them all these excuses, and more. But the fact remains that Koreans will habitually and unabashedly cut you in line. Young and old, big and small, male and female. They'll just kind of sneak in there, avoid eye contact (just like the Dane Cook sketch) and then before you know it, BINGO. You've been CUT. And what can you say? NOTHING. They would probably pretend not to understand you anyway.

If I was in America, I would have options. I could make a scene and almost assuredly get my way (not to mention make an ass out of myself!). I could choose a similarly passive-aggressive response, and do that thing where you shuffle forward a little bit at a time until the CUT has been RETURNED. I could make those little frustrated exhalations and exchange indignant looks with my fellow queue-rs. I could assume a Buddhist magnanimity and choose to not care about who gets to check out first.

It's a good thing that I generally go with that last option in the USA because right now, it's the only option I feel comfortable with here.

Moving on, I'd like you step into the Twilight Zone with me for a moment. Imagine a world where Dunkin' Donuts and Starbucks--all those places where we love to stop and get coffee first thing in the morning--DIDN'T OPEN UNTIL TEN AM. Wouldn't this be simply, unimaginably, INCONCEIVABLE!?

Well start conceiving, my stateside compadres, because "Angel-In-Us Coffee," probably the largest coffee shop chain in the country, doesn't open its doors until 10am, long after the average worker needs his or her commute-coffee (at least, this goes for the one near my apartment). Welcome to the middle ground between light and shadow, science and superstition. Welcome... to the Twilight Zone!

Alright, time for the effusive praise. In America, what is the GENERAL sentiment about people who live there, but don't speak English? Pretty negative. (Most people never mind the fact that almost everyone in the US who doesn't speak English DESPERATELY would like to but lacks the resources for doing so, but that's another story.) On the other hand, many Koreans are extremely impressed that I even know ten words of Korean, and will never ever be difficult or impolite (at least not my face) if I DON'T know how to say something. A flawlessly well-mannered people, even if they are spitting poison about us "waegu" behind our backs--and even blaming some of their national problems on us!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Doctor, Doctor, Can't You See I'm Burning, Burning.

On Thursday evening I had a sore throat rapidly manifest itself. Just like the kids at Becket, the Korean students I teach are walking little petri dishes. I hoped it would go away soon.

Friday night: fever. Damn. And my throat is starting to get REALLY REALLY uncomfortable. Like, it hurts to drink water or even open my mouth. Eating is basically out of the question.

So it gets bad enough that I want to go to the hospital, since I'm pretty sure I have strep throat (bacterial infection), and trying to "wait it out" will just prolong my suffering needlessly.

So I go the Emergency Room (there's one a short walk from my house). I'm anticipating having to drop a couple hundred USD on this trip, but that's still nothing compared to an E-Room trip in the States.

A guy who can speak a little English comes and asks me what's wrong. I tell him my symptoms, and he takes my temperature and looks down my throat. (39.6 Celsius, I learned later, converts to 103F. Whoah, Mama!) I tell him I want an antibiotic, and he agrees. He wants to hook me up to an IV and give me a shot in the butt (they are really passionate about the shot in the butt here--seriously, no matter what you go to the ER for they try to give you one. And he really tried to sell it too!), but I just want to grab my meds and GET OUT.

As I'm leaving, I pay the bill. Not even thirty USD, and that's INCLUDING the medicine. Go Korea.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Photojournalism Continues



This picture was on a canvas bag. If you have any ideas as to what it could possibly mean, I'd love to hear them.







You have two choices... barely.







Buy any Kid's Meal at the Lotteria and receive a Milk-Squirting Spring-Mounted Box-Shaped Farm Friend!








Club Womb... a warm, safe place.









This place was only SLIGHTLY less questionable than "Dogs' Nuts Coffee" next door.








Anatomy of a Cartoon Construction Worker! (Have I mentioned that everything here is a cartoon? Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped in Roger Rabbit's Toontown.) 1) Silly Helmet. 2) Absurd smile I have never seen on ANY Korean laborer. 3) Batman-grade utility belt. 4) Mickey Mouse gloves. 5) Clown-like shoes.







And this one goes out to all the Olympians in the audience tonight: I photographed these hair-care bottles in one of Korea's famous "Love Motels." Because if you don't already smell like sex after spending time there, you can wash your hair in the liquefied essence of the Sex God himself!



I don't know what C.V.S. stands for here, but I'm sure it ISN'T "Consumer Value Store" or "Convenience, Value, and Service." Nevertheless, a moment of knee-jerk panic overcame me momentarily when I saw this sign.


Also, I can't help but share a short conversation I had with one of my elementary school students earlier today right before class. (Note One: Dog is sometimes eaten here, but mostly only by older, more "traditional" Koreans at special restaurants. Note Two: "Gresh" is the "English name" that this boy chose for himself, which all of his peers think is VERY STRANGE.)

Teacher Chris: Have you ever eaten dog?
Gresh: No, not dog... dog is dirty.
Teacher Chris: Haha, okay.
Gresh: I eat my sister's skin.
Teacher Chris: Ewwwww...
Gresh: No, it's delicious. Like a potato.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Martial Arts Purgatory



Hapkido: Way of Power, Inner Harmony, and Totally Not Being At Your Studio When You Say You Will Be

I just got back from a fruitless trip across town to a Hapkido school that was CLOSED. There was a sign hanging on the door saying that they were closed for three days for a "Summer break" or something like that. And this wouldn't have irked me so much if this wasn't the SECOND time I showed up to this school and gone back home lesson-less. (Incidentally, I would have been somewhat mollified if there was notice of the cancellation on their website or Facebook page, but there WASN'T.) The first time was the day after "Mud Fest." And I was the only person to show up to class first thing on a Monday morning, so the instructor basically just sent me home. So seeing as how I've made two trips there for a SCHEDULED lesson and haven't received ONE yet, I'm thinking maybe another martial arts school might be worth trying first.

So there are three martial arts schools here in Busan that advertise classes in English. There's the one above. There's the one that only has classes scheduled when I can't make it to them. And there's the Korean Kartel.

Even the name is slightly scary, right? Add to this the fact that their training sessions last three times longer than the other two school (three hours vs. one hour) and their website contains the following:

No Pussies
No Excuses
Your Workout is Our Warm-Up
Go Hard or Go Home
Fit Like F**k

Oh, and their Facebook page claims: "The safest training program is also the most inefficient one." Can you see why I'm a little hesitant to go to this school? I could die during my first class, and they would just tell me to get up and stop being a pussy!

So maybe I will try yoga instead of martial arts? Or just join a normal gym? (There's one called "Tomato" not far from where I live, which is a strange name for a gym... maybe because by the end of your workout you are as red and swollen as a Jersey Beefsteak?)

Sunday, August 1, 2010

You're So "Wise," Please Enlighten Us: What is the Socratic Method Anyway?



Yesterday I attended Busan's "Socrates Cafe." Every Sunday, amateur philosophers gather to discuss a question that the group votes on for that day. Yesterday, our question was "Are all things quantifiable?" The leader-slash-moderator of the group had brought that question to the table, which to me betrayed, right off the bat, his shamefully materialist prejudices. This guy was an economist, and it SHOWED in what I thought was an MOST UNSEEMLY FASHION. The IMPULSE to quantify everything derives from some sort of neurosis of the soul, probably obsessive-compulsive in nature. His most telling quote: "I want everything to be numbers so that I can understand everything." This is an offense not only to the complexity of number-systems, but to MY TASTE as well.

The other big speaker of the group was the guy who I think actually founded it three years ago, Kim. Apart from referencing "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Repair" a little TOO much, his contributions to the discussion helped balance Mr. Materialism. Also, he was possibly the only person in the group who wasn't a twenty-something, which also added value to his words.

There were maybe fifteen attendees. The "conversation" was largely between maybe five people, with another five chiming in with their two cents every now and again and the last five TOTALLY SILENT for the duration of the two-hour meeting, which I thought was strange. But since a good portion of the participants weren't native English speakers, perhaps they weren't 100% comfortable expressing their thoughts en anglais.

Saturday night I toured some of the fashionable nightlife destinations of the Seomyeon area. It was a going-away party for one of the teachers at my branch. I had the rare opportunity to drink with the branch manager. I guess it's true what they say about Korean businessmen: they certainly have an intimidating seriousness about them, but that seriousness is very soluble in alcohol. We had a great time, but I hate that the subway in Busan stops running between about midnight and 6am. Because I was ready to go home at about 3, maybe, but not yet ready to pay for a cab ride across town. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, or, if I may: between a bar and club-place? Certainly not the WORST place to be stuck. It was a minor miracle that I managed to wake up for the Socrates Cafe on Sunday morning: a sort of secular penance for my very un-philosophical night out.

Also, I had a dream that Connecticut (specifically, Canterbury school) was actually technically inside Busan city limits, and was really right outside of the downtown area by maybe half and hour drive. Mostly, no one seemed to know about this. When I mentioned to my mother that Canterbury should make periodic field trips into Busan for the benefit of the Korean students, she was like, "Yeah, we can't really do that... I mean, traffic is really bad downtown, and those Korean bus drivers are CRAZY. Plus, it would run counter to the school's whole policy of cultural immersion for the Korean students, and might actually make their homesickness worse."

I've definitely had stranger dreams, but due to the subject matter I thought this one might be worth sharing with y'all. It does relate to a recurring theme I've had in my dreams ever since I got here. I will frequently dream that I've gone back home to the States, but I will be hyper-conscious that I'll only be in the States for a brief amount of time (a week, or only one night) before I have to go back to Korea. Even stranger, sometimes this knowledge will be accompanied by the feeling that for some reason it's WRONG for me to be at home... I should be in Korea.

Go ahead, my friendly Freuds, and psychoanalyze me! Submit your interpretations via comment!